Assertiveness: Saying No and Being Heard
Assertiveness is the medium through which you can teach children the value of respect - of self and of others.
You have the right and responsibility to say No
Don't tell others what not to do but assertively tell what to do in understandable terms.
In all of our relationships we actually teach others how to treat us.
We need to get used to our assertive voice.
In order to be assertive you must express your feelings, thoughts and wishes without diminishing those of other people.
You must shift to what you assume others are thinking and feeling to consciousness of your own mind's contents.
You have the right to make mistakes, put yourself first, ask for help, not be responsible for others problems, think and feel how you want, change your mind, say no, receive recognition, hear feedback and filter what is not useful.
The goal of assertiveness is clarity.
When we are passive we are trying to please others.
When aggressive change others or dominate others or to win.
Any statement about the other person as opposed to statements about one's own feelings or thoughts tends to have an attacking quality.
Accusations that start with "you" leave a child feeling attacked and invite argument.
Rules for assertiveness:
a. state your wants, needs and expectations clearly and simplyu
b. match your nonverbal communications to your verbal communications
c. give choices only when there are real choices to be made
d. give commands with useable info
e. own and express your feelings
f. show respect and enforce rules without teasing, embarrassing or bullying.
Exercises:
1. Are you passive or aggressive or assertive?
2. Monitor your own thought patterns.
3. Use assertive in all your relationships.